All our lives we are surrounded by very important people with whom we share stories, moments, emotions, joys and life; and there is nothing more painful and difficult than facing the death of our loved ones.
It is something we are not prepared for and much less used to, which is why it takes us by surprise moving every fiber in our being and pulling us out of our center. We know how to share joy and love with someone else but not how to face their death. That's why we tell you a little more about the 5 phases of grief we go through when we lose someone
What we talk about when we talk about grief
Mourning is the natural process we go through when we suffer the loss of someone important to us. It is the emotional response we have to that loss, but while we may believe that it is our emotions that play a major role in the way we respond and feel As we adapt to this situation, our physical and cognitive dimension and our behavior are also part of the duel.
Swiss-American psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross developed the 5 Phases of Grief model after her experience working with terminally ill and near-death patients. More than 5 phases of grief, her contribution was to identify 5 mental states that anyone can go through after learning aboutthe death of a loved one in their process of evolution and acceptance of this new situation.
This does not mean that we all go through the same process, there are those who experience all the phases of grief, there are those who go through only a few, and not all of us go through the stages of grief in the same order . However, when we know this approach to mourning we can see all the nuances that a situation of loss can generate in us.
The 5 phases of grief
If you are facing a loss situation, we know how painful it can be. Perhaps knowing these 5 phases of grief can help you accept and integrate your emotions and what is happening with you at this moment.
one. The negation
This is the stage of mourning in which, as the name says, we deny the loss, we deny the death of that person . We do it unconsciously as a defense mechanism to avoid that first impact of the news.
It is when phrases like "no, it can't be, it's a mistake, I don't want to" appear because we really want to convince ourselves that what they are telling us is false, so we want to postpone having to do We are in charge of our emotions and everything that the death of a person we love can cause.
During the denial phase of mourning we behave as if we were living a fiction, we play a role temporarily in order not to have to assume the sadness and pain that is coming, but it is aUnsustainable phase over time because it clashes with the reality we are experiencing, so we end up abandoning this phase of denial faster than we thought.
2. Anger or anger
When we have finally managed to accept the death of that person we love so much, we also realize that death is not reversible and that there is nothing more to do to change this irreversible situation, soanger arrives, anger at death as a result of frustration
Deep sadness and the reality of loss at this time are impossible to avoid, so we resent everything and turn against everything, friends, family, that person who passed away, even life same. At this moment, anger and anger are the only thing that allows you to express your emotions and all the questions that appear in your mind about the why of things, of the person and of the moment.
3. The negotiation
Another of the phases of grieving is negotiation and it is very similar to that of denial because it is based on a fiction that we create to feel better and to escape from all the emotions that reality produces in us.
It is about that moment (which can happen sooner or later) in which we try to negotiate death, find a way to prevent it from happening or reverse it if it is already a fact. It's a fantasy we create where, for a moment, we think we can do something about it, that we can change death.
These negotiations are usually done with superior or supernatural beings in whom we believe, for example, when we make promises to God in return that person does not die if this has not already happened. Another example is when in our mind, we go back in time and imagine that everything remains the same, that that special person has not died and that there is no pain; but again reality is there colliding with this fantasy so it happens quickly.
4. The Depression
After we have stopped fantasizing about other realities that are not real, we return to the present, to the current moment in which someone died and we are absorbed by a deep feeling of emptiness and sadness. This phase of grief is called depression.
At this moment sadness and emptiness are so deep that not even the best of fantasies or excuses can get us out of our reality.Unlike other phases of grief, during depression we realize the irreversibility of death and it is very difficult to see any reason to live without that person by our side.
During this stage the sadness seems endless, we are closed in on ourselves, we feel tired, without strength, without energy and only sadness, pain and melancholy accompany us, even, it is quite normal that we isolate ourselves a bit. Accepting the death of a loved one is painful enough, but at this moment we are also accepting that we have to live a life with the absence of that person.
5. The acceptation
This iswhen we come to terms with the idea of continuing to live without that personand where we truly accept his death. It is the last of the phases of mourning and the one that gives us the opportunity to start again, without saying that this is a happy stage compared to the other phases of mourning.
In fact we could say that it is more of a neutral phase, without intense feelings, in which we learn to live again All the download and emotional pain are slowly lifting their mark so that we can think better, have a new understanding and own ideas that reorganize our mind.
It is a time when the exhaustion of so many emotions gradually restores our desire to live, where we allow ourselves to feel joy again and return our lives to normality.