Empathy: meaning and characteristics of this social skill

Lately we've been hearing about the importance of people having empathy, educating children to be empathetic and even He talks about how brands should also have empathy, but do we really know what it is?

Empathy is a feeling that allows us to perceive and understand what other people may be feeling and, therefore, an essential quality to see the world with more love and compassion. However, there may be confusion with the use of this term, so we clarify what is empathy and what is not

What is empathy

Let's start from the simplest definition of what empathy is, which is the one given by the RAE: 'feeling of identification with something or someone', 'ability to identify with someone and share their feelings'.

When we talk about empathy, we are referring precisely to a person's ability to perceive and understand what another person is feeling at a given moment , or as we would say colloquially, the ability we have to put ourselves in the other's shoes.

This does not mean that we have the same opinions, that we agree with their emotions or that we feel the same and that is why we understand them. Actually, empathy has to do with the ability to put ourselves in the other person's shoes and understand what he feels and what goes through his mind, from her perspective and not from ours.

This is why in order to feel empathy we start from validating the feelings and motivations of the other person, regardless of consider if these have the same importance if we see it from our own scale of values.

Characteristics of empathy and how we demonstrate it

We can now think that we are people with empathy because surely we have been in situations in which we have been able to understand the feelings of others. However, there are certain components that define what empathy is and if we really live it

one. Really Listen

A fundamental part of empathy is truly listening to what others have to say. Part of this "listening" is perceiving and understanding what the other person is saying to us non-verbally with her gestures and movements, as well as paying attention to her arguments and words.

When we are empathetic people, we show it by being active in this conversation, looking into the other person's eyes, asking questions, nodding our head, and most of all, showing our willingness to be there attending to what the other person has to say.

2. Comprehension

An essential part of empathy is understanding what the other person says and feels regardless of whether we agree with it or not . It is the moment in which we validate their emotions, and we put ourselves in the place of the other.

Through our gestures and words of understanding we demonstrate this understanding to the other; also when we leave judgments elsewhere, we avoid certain comments that could make you uncomfortable and we show you our sensitivity.

3. Emotional support

Just by showing empathy towards the other person, listening and understanding, you are helping them emotionally.This also includes giving certain advice, using encouraging phrases, using humor to lighten the weight of a situation and using gestures of brotherhood such as a hug, a caress or a small pat on the shoulderthat show you care.

Can all people feel empathy?

Absolutely all of us come into the world with the appropriate neurological components to feel empathy. If you think about it carefully, empathy is also a survival mechanism that is activated to better understand our environment, the person in front of us and be able to to generate deeper bonds and relationships with her.

Just as we have people around us who are capable of understanding everything, there are also people who we consider zero empathic, selfish and who are not capable of seeing beyond the situations of others; these are people who have not developed empathy.

But the truth is that our brain has neurons in charge of allowing us to establish this connection with other people, putting our world aside emotional so that we are more receptive towards people or circumstances at a given moment.

So, if all people can feel empathy, why are there people who show a total absence of it? The reality is that all our emotions and feelings are molded according to the experiences that we have in our childhood, so the social context in which we grow up, our family The education and stimuli we receive are responsible for whether we are people with developed empathy or not.

Empathy can be cultivated

Fortunately, empathy is a feeling that we can cultivate and exercise day by day, being more aware of certain aspects to improve and activating the three essential factors that define what empathy is: active listening, understanding and emotional help, starting with taking a little more interest in the people around you and getting involved with them and with situations.

The truth is that empathy significantly improves your emotional ties with other people, changes your perspective and your vision of things, helps you better resolve conflicts, makes you a more respectful person, improves your emotional intelligence and helps you develop leadership, collaboration and negotiation skills. But best of all, it makes you feel better about yourself.

What is not empathy

Now that you know what empathy is,we must make some clarifications about what causes confusion and what is not empathy. Many times we think that because we are able to see that the other is angry, sad or happy we are people with empathy, but this is nothing more than the ability to identify and recognize types of feelings and emotions in others.

Remember that in order to feel empathy, in addition to recognizing the other person's emotions, you must be able to understand and feel them.

On the other hand, don't overact with empathy and manage it intelligently, because excessive empathy can make us emotionally disconnect from ourselves and we can't really recognize when the emotions are from the other or ours . This is another case of what is not empathy but something more similar to living through others.