Communicate and act assertively provides many benefits for those who do it. It is the best way to relate to others in different spheres, work, sentimental, family and even in daily activities.
It is not only about a way of saying things, but about living and understanding the world. Assertiveness is the reflection of a he althy self-esteem that knows how to set limits, that respects and listens to others. Here are some examples of assertiveness to understand this social skill.
Examples of assertiveness and assertive communication
Assertiveness is an ideal way to relate in a he althy way with others. An assertive person has the ability to express what he thinks and feels, without intentionally hurting others
This social skill allows you to speak bluntly and without avoiding topics for fear of hurting feelings. The assertive person is clear, empathetic, has clear limits and also knows how to correctly communicate a message. To better understand the subject, we give you these 20 examples of assertiveness.
one. At a work meeting or among friends…
Important issues that directly involve you are discussed. Someone has an opinion different from yours and you want to express your disagreement An assertive phrase to start expressing what you feel without being perceived as aggressive is the best option, because in this way you prevent the interlocutors from becoming defensive: "I understand what you are saying, but I do not agree".
This sentence makes it clear that we have paid attention to what is being expressed, but our point of view is different, it also leaves the door open to talk about what we believe and continue debating.
2. In your relationship there is some continuous situation that is not pleasant for you.
Your partner may be acting in a way that makes you feel bad, but remember that it's best not to assume that your partner knows what's bothering you, or to be hostile by pretending that they that should be realized. It is better to express your feelings directly: “I was feeling uncomfortable and I would like to talk about it.”
Being assertive implies having the ability to show what we feel without fear of criticism. An assertive person knows that her feelings are valid and that communication could help find a solution to her discomfort.
3. In a work situation, your boss is asking you for some changes…
But the concepts seem to be confusing or it is not being explained clearly. Before staying with the doubt and moving on, it is best to let him know that it was not clear to you, without necessarily telling him that he is the one who is not explaining things well: "I am not understanding what you are saying, could you explain to me a little more?".
When things are not clear, before reacting defensively or making a point to refute, assertiveness allows us to request further explanations that allow us to understand in order to continue the talk.
4. You are at a family reunion and your partner starts to get upset…
When you ask him what's going on, he starts to complain to you or get defensive. However, it is not a good time to clarify things, before continuing the discussion it is better to stop it, letting him know that it is important and that you are willing to resume the conversation later: "I think we should take more time to talk about this" .
Sometimes discussions or work meetings begin to go to places that do not contribute. It's time to pause for everyone to clarify their ideas, an assertive phrase can help everyone take a breath.
5. In your workplace you have been assigned more work than usual…
While your partner's load has been reduced, without this implying a salary increase for you. Given this, the best thing to do is to speak clearly, make it known that you realize what is happening and that you request the willingness of the other to resolve it: "I feel that the situation it is unfair and I would like to know how we can prevent this from happening”
An assertive person is not afraid to talk about what she thinks and feels. He also puts a proposal or alternative on the table. If the feeling is negative, it will always be better to accompany it with an option.
6. Faced with a situation that becomes unfair and incomprehensible…
The best thing is to go to the people involved, show your opinions and at the same time show that you have a proposal to change things. You also need an open mind to listen to the opinions of others. “I think that what is happening does not benefit us and I have a proposal to change that”
As in the previous sentence, there is a proposal, but it does not take into consideration only their feelings, it is expressing that what happens does not benefit a group of people and therefore shows a collective interest and not just individual.
7. If you have received any complaint, comment or opinion that is not pleasant…
You have to respond to them assertively. Before you get angry or defensive, take a minute to think about what happened and let the other person know that you're willing to think about what's being said: “I really appreciate your feedback, I'll take it into account”
Sometimes it is not pleasant to receive criticism and it can take us a while to digest it, but far from reacting negatively, an assertive attitude thanks and makes it clear that it will take into account what that it has been said, without meaning that it will be carried out without prior analysis.
8. In the middle of an argument in the family, the scolding of the children begins…
And also claims between spouses. All this may be diverting the subject to less constructive issues and in these cases it will always be good to take a break first. To bring it up, we can say assertively: “I'd like to talk about this some other time”.
When the assertive person is the one who needs a break, they are not afraid to ask for it. It is also a firm but kind way of establishing that at that moment there is no time to talk about this topic, or that the forms are lacking, but that we are willing to return to it later.
9. When you have to debate or discuss a topic with someone you don't agree with…
You must have empathy and let him know that you are making an effort to understand where his position is coming from. It is important to start your arguments by letting them know: “I understand your position.”
This is a very concrete example of an assertive sentence. Understanding others is a fundamental part of an assertive attitude. And it is a good way to start expressing our point of view, preceding our open and conciliatory attitude.
10. You are new to an association or study group…
Where an important issue is being discussed in which it is convenient for everyone to be involved. Far from feeling that you have nothing to say because you are new, if there is something you want to express you should feel confident in doing so. Let it be seen that you are aware of your position without feeling ashamed: “Although I am not an expert on the subject, I want to express what I think”.
It is always important to prepare ourselves and know about certain topics to make contributions, but the person with an assertive attitude also knows how to recognize their deficiencies and still has the security of expressing what they feel.
eleven. You are exposing a transcendent topic to an audience, but…
When I ask them a question related to the issue being discussed, no one answers and they even seem uninterested. Before bothering you and making them feel that they are the ones who are wrong, you can use this assertive phrase: “I feel like I am not getting my point across and I would like to explain it better.”
This assertive phrase expresses that you are not blaming others for not understanding, you assume the responsibility of expressing yourself in a better way and request the necessary attention to be able to do so. This is comfortable for the interlocutors and thus avoids a closed attitude on their part.
12. In your workplace they have asked you to be part of a plan…
To deal with someone who seems to annoy many people. You know that not participating in this plan could make you a target for peers, but you are not willing to participate, so you can be firm and say: “I am not willing to agree to that, I hope my reasons will be respected.”
Being assertive is knowing how to set limits and knowing how to say no when necessary Without further explanations and perhaps asking for respect just as a way attention to yourself. In this way it is made clear that our refusal has reasons behind it beyond whim.
13. If someone has invited you to a party or meeting…
It is best to be clear and always confirm or decline the invitation with courtesy and gratitude. You should not be ashamed to reject an invitation, on the contrary, you must be willing to be clear: "Thank you for the invitation, but I feel the need to reject it for various reasons"
Assertive people aren't afraid to say no. However, in the awareness of not seeking to hurt others or be empathetic, they know that a "Thank you" is effective to be kind but clear and concrete.
14. When an injustice is being committed in one of your close circles…
"It is often difficult to expose the situation for fear of feeling vulnerable, however it is always important to speak up and be clear, you can start by saying something such as: I know I have the right to …"
In the workplace it is essential to be assertive, because on the one hand we must contribute to a suitable climate but also not allow abuses or injustices towards us. A good way of expressing any disagreement is expressing that we are aware of our rights.
fifteen. A family situation occurs that makes you feel uncomfortable and sad.
For example, a divorce is taking place between your parents and although you understand their reasons, their attitudes begin to feel hostile and they seem to ignore that you are in the middle.You can ask them to talk about your emotions by saying: “This is happening makes me feel bad and I think something needs to be done to change it”.
Assertive people know that no one can read their minds, so they have no problem expressing that they feel bad about something and don't hide behind hostile attitudes waiting for someone to guess.
16. Your boyfriend/girlfriend has shown a strange attitude…
Especially on certain occasions when it comes to hanging out with your friends. Although you have asked them at the time, they have denied that anything unusual happened. If you continue to feel a strange attitude, it is best to take some time to talk about it and say: “I've noticed that this bothers you, I want to talk about what we can do ”
Just as an assertive person knows that they must express their feelings, they also have the sensitivity and empathy to understand the discomfort of others. In a kind way you can open the door for them to express themselves about their feelings.
17. You have noticed that there is a problem in your workplace…
…And you've come up with a solution that looks good, which might put an end to such a problem. You should not hesitate to express it openly, find the right moment to request an audience and express with determination: “I have a proposal that I would like you to listen to.”
Assertiveness also consists of being firm and decisive Ideas can be expressed clearly and concisely without leaving anything hidden or pending. A good way to start is with a sentence similar to this one, which makes it clear that we have something to say.
18. You are the boss at your current job when…
Someone on your team has approached you with an observation about something that they think is not working, and also brings a proposal. It seems to you that the proposal is not very viable, however the matter was not simple and he was the only person who took the initiative to talk about it.It is important to acknowledge this fact: “I appreciate your honesty.”
When someone has had the courage to be honest, especially in complex or sensitive issues, but has also done so assertively, we must have the tact to appreciate their honesty.
19. A seller comes to offer you a service or product…
That seems to be tailored to your needs, but you are not willing to spend at that time. You are sorry that the seller has taken the time to analyze your needs and offer you something suitable, but it may not be your time to make the purchase. Don't be afraid to be clear and ask for some time: “I'm not sure, can I take some time to think about it?”.
Sometimes we don't have the calm or the necessary time to make decisions. If we are assertive, we will know how to ask for time to analyze things without submitting to the pressure of having to say something without having thought about it.
twenty. A co-worker tells you that she disagrees…
About older mates having the best parking spots and her reasons for you to join her. However, it seems to you that it is fair that people with more time in the workplace have some benefits as a reward for their loy alty. Don't be afraid to be honest: "I see the situation differently."
This example of assertiveness is very clear regarding the possible meeting of ideas. Whenever there is a debate, the assertive attitude and communication allows a better expression of ideas. This phrase allows us to establish that we assume that we see things in a different way and not that we think that the other is wrong There is a subtle but significant difference that leads the way of the conversation for a more positive side.